Posted: December 5, 2017
Adults are very important in a child’s life. Children need nurturing adults to guide them throughout childhood. You can see empathy, caring, and compassion in your young children, but you need to cultivate these wonderful qualities for children to grow up happy, have better relationships, and have the skills needed to make a difference in the world.
One way children learn these lifelong skills is through secure attachments.
Research shows that a secure attachment to a trusted adult is the best possible foundation for healthy physical, emotional, intellectual, and social development.
"These important, secure attachments are created when they are loved and respected, and have both their physical and emotional needs met. A securely attached baby is curious and outgoing, freely able to explore his or her environment, and we know now, that a secure attachment greatly facilitates learning." (SAFE® 2017)
Parents can develop secure attachments with their children by spending quality, one-on-one time with them. Initiate conversations that use open-ended questions like "Tell me what made you happy today" or "How did you help a friend today?" Then, intently listen to your children's responses.
Children learn by observing the important adults in their lives. Ask yourself if you model honesty, fairness, and caring behaviors. For example, do you solve conflicts peacefully? Do you manage your emotions, and ask for forgiveness when needed?
Teaching children about feelings and how to deal with them should be proactive. Children need to know that all feelings are OK, but some ways of dealing with those feelings may not be OK.
In addition, it is important to teach children these skills by engaging with them. Teaching occurs through experiences in the community and in the home. Get involved with your children by doing community service projects. Examples of community-based activities are taking care of the elderly, helping a single parent, or helping those in need.
On the home front, as your children grow, you may start having family meetings, where you ask children to express their views, while they listen to yours. Let children help to make family decisions. Give them some responsibility while you are there to guide and support. Grown-ups call this perspective-taking and problem-solving--both great skills for great adults.
Looking at the big picture for raising compassionate, caring adults, there are three main things to keep in mind:
- Be present--really present--with your children.
- Treat others with respect. Children are watching, so model these behaviors every day.
- Use each situation and interaction as a teachable moment.
Studies show that people who can express gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving. Are you doing your part to raise happy, healthy children who are also caring and compassionate? (Siegel and Hartzell 2004)
References
Secure Attachment Family Education®. 2017. "The Advantages of Secure Attachment." SAFE.
Siegel, Daniel J., and Mary Hartzell. 2004. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive. TarcherPerigee.
