Parenting

Common sense

To begin, Dr. Van Horn suggested that common sense is the first thing parents need. Ask yourself what you hope to accomplish with your child-rearing. When you decide, go forward with confidence and support!

Do what feels right for you. Don't allow others to pressure you to do something that just doesn't feel right. Try to ignore unsolicited advice, and remain neutral.

Young children have a greater chance to reach their potential when young parents are interested in learning more about children, and what makes them tick.

When you look back, periodically there are different outside influences that trigger new worries and complications for raising children. But just the same, there are always some common things that worry parents no matter what year it is.

Discipline

Besides using common sense, think about discipline.

Studies show that corporal punishment by adults is likely to train children to use physical violence to control behavior as adults.

"Discipline needs to be a cooperative venture. It can not be just the child who gives in all the time, or a parent who gives in all the time." (Jim Van Horn)

Discipline is about knowing where your child is developmentally, and deciding what is appropriate for that child at that point in his or her development.

Set limits, and set consequences to match those limits. For example, taking away TV for running in the street does not make sense to a child. The child won't make the connection. Instead, require your child to hold your hand every time you go out, and/or only play in the backyard, to teach your child about running in the street.

Don't set consequences if you are not going to follow through. Consequences teach children that they are responsible for their own actions.

Allow your children to do as much as they can without hearing "no" all the time. Put fragile things away, make their spaces safe, and replace "no" with what the child CAN do. For example, "No climbing on the furniture inside" turns into "We CAN climb when we go outside."

Parenting supports

Do you have parenting supports? Make connections that are family-friendly and find someone who respects and supports your parenting style.

Love your children unconditionally, but with love and limits. What does love look like? Think safety, health, nutrition, and play.

"It is not surprising how much of child-rearing is common sense." - Jim Van Horn